Dementors!

Fans of the Harry Potter series will get the reference immediately.  For those others, dementors are cloaked creatures that guard the wizard prison.  Among the many ways in which a dementor can hurt you is the fact that getting close to one will cause a person to have overwhelming feelings of despair, like all of the joy is gone from the world.  Even if you have never read a word of a Harry Potter book, if you work in a public school setting you have probably met a dementor.

Dementors are our colleagues who have the ability to find the dark lining within any silver cloud. According to these people the kids are never smart enough, the parents are never supportive enough, and the administration is never competent enough. What makes them all the more irritating, is that like the dementors of Harry Potter, these teachers are never as happy as when they are making others as miserable as they are.  

If you have spent any time in public education, you have probably tried including them in professional discussions or sharing interesting resources. You may have even tried baking something for them.  The fact is, the more you try, the more negative they become.  

What can you do? 

I think that you already know the answer to that; there is really nothing you can do.  If you are a colleague you find ways to minimize the influence that they have upon you.  Dementors are blessed (cursed?) with uncanny skills of persuasion.  Just being near them for minutes at the office mailboxes is enough for them to convince you that there really is no hope for public education.  If all else fails, I like the honest approach, just tell it like it is: "Mary, you upset me when you tell me stories like that.  I would actually prefer not to hear them."  

If you are the principal, the situation becomes a bit more complicated.  To some extent you are charged with maintaining building morale, and this person is really lowering it.  I hate to mention it because you have heard it before, but restating is really the best strategy.  I know that any sentence that begins "What I hear you saying is..." sounds corny and staged.  Instead, try just saying the last part of the sentence: "You think our kids don't have a sound work ethic."

Don't be afraid to really restate what you hear: "You don't like working here."  Statements like this will definitely cause the person to reflect on the messages they are sending.

What if YOU are the dementor?

Don't laugh.  Some of my best friends are dementors.  If you are not sure whether you are a dementor, try this exercise.  For one day, hold your tongue long enough to answer this question.  Why am I making this comment?  I think that you might be surprised at how many times you will find that you make comments to get a certain reaction, let people know that you are feeling a certain way, or to communicate that you disagree.  When people have to guess what you are really trying to say, you might get "lumped in" with the dementors.

If you are honest and come to the conclusion that you really are a dementor, don't give up hope. The same exercise mentioned above works well in this situation.  If you can stop to listen to your own feelings, you can communicate them in an overt manner.  If you clearly label your frustration and let people know how they can help you, my guess is that most of them will.